my wedding day – such a day of fulfillment
when my son was placed on my chest – that feeling of pure love and awe cannot be seconded
when I graduated university- after a good four years of struggle and determination
being proposed to on top of a mountain – turning around to my love on one knee with a beautiful ring and forever in his eyes
All those and many more are the pinnacles; the absolute top of the mountain moments. I can hold onto those memories and feelings so powerfully.
But what I have decided I would love to revisit means we will have to venture back some years… To an old white house in the middle of a large farm on a quiet road, that led to a little scottish town, in little old Northland, NZ.
There you would see a family gathered around a long rimu table, sharing a roast dinner, the plates and cutlery all mismatched and well-used, the kids sitting along bench seats with mum and dad at each end. This would not be a quiet or serious occasion but a time of chatting, and of eating and laughing.
Dad would be making sure you used your manners and held your knife and fork right and didn’t swing on the chair. Mum would serve good hearty helpings and as you beamed with pride at the yummy food provided.
Grace would be said in fervent unison at the start and chats about school would open up to talks about who was play where for Saturday sport, and then finally ‘you have to eat all you food if you want to get dessert’ would be added as food would start to be pushed around the plate or elbows would knock against each other. The smell of sweet somethings ready in the oven, golden dumplings or chocolate pudding might be served up if you finished.
Scruffy feet would be swinging under the table, where the black little dog would snuffle up floor offerings from little energetic limbs. There would be warmth, love and trust all woven together around that family room. This being a very usual custom of the time but a moment that epitomized the loss and all that would change.
I would love to revisit that feeling of being altogether again Before it was peeled away to some distant memory and fond accounts of ‘life on the farm’. Being altogether – innocent, without a care in the world, before everything changed and lives were torn up. When suddenly it was all different, and when thoughts were raised, echoes of unanswered questions were all that remained.
Oh to relive it again.