At the moment someone very close in my family is not apart of this unit. They have chosen to remove themselves from my life. They have never contacted after the birth of my son or have been interested in knowing much about our new lives through this.
I am not really sure what I am saying here but for me it is a way of processing this and getting my thoughts out. I have many thoughts or questions that end up at a dead end; a one-sided conversation.
Weeding through information I do know, I can stand on some things that are solid. I do know so far, that this is a process and there are days where the loss feels so great. There are days when my focus is to decipher and understand something that ultimately cannot be understood. I could wallow, and let it cloud the joys of parenthood… But I choose to take time to place this into God’s capable hands, to breathe heart-whispered prayers onto this situation and release it to Him.
I have realized too that this is not just done once.
It is a walk, an onion of many layers, of situation triggers, of forgiveness and mercy. And receiving the amazing love of the Father who is there for me always when my earthly one is not.
I also have a strong feeling that this will be used to encourage, support or speak into some one in the future. To bring healing into someone’s life. I am not there yet myself but I offer that in hope that I will be one day.
Our family is growing, the new generation has come (with my brother’s baby due in a week!) and we are excited for the future; for our family’s future.
And healing along the way.